My first few days in Paris
It is surreal to be here. The girl who had a Paris themed sweet 16 to the girl who had Eiffel Tower themed bedding and décor in college, that girl has finally made it to Paris.
*********
So it’s been less than 24hours.
I’m sitting on a bench starring at the Eiffel Tower while two of my host kids have gymnastics. I can’t believe I’m really here.
I am very "whelmed". Not under and not necessarily over. Just whelmed. My host family speaks English pretty well but the kids try to speak to me in French and I catch some words. I took three years in high school and that did NOT prepare me for all the daily vocabulary. And they use the verb "faire" wayyyy more often than school prepared me for.
The kids don’t start school until later this week and so I was thrown into work right away. They have a very kind housekeeper who speaks English and cooks and going helps with the kids.
I miss my friends and family already. Traveling alone is strange. I just want to share every little thing with them. I think this year will be a lot of tired conversations or delayed conversations. In time I’ll make and see friends here. I need to get used to the big city. Its not just a foreign country but also a foreign place. I’ve lived near LA and Seattle, but I didn’t have to metro and walk everywhere, I wasn’t constantly surrounded by buildings and people. That transition in itself is big. Paris gives me Seattle and New York vibes so far. So drastic going from 112 degree weather to 65 degree weather. Also I have no idea what hot or cold in Celsius is.
I feel out of place. I know all around Paris there are other Au pairs and other Americans like me, but I look out and feel all alone.
Bonjour it’s Tuesday.
The afternoon was much better, going to the park with my host kids was fun. After bedtime I got a moment to myself to unpack my room, chat with some friends, and watch some tv. Saddest news “vampire diaries” isn’t on French Netflix so that’s unfortunate.
I'm back at the Eiffel Tower and I’m feeling melancholy and home sick again. I think it’s because I’m finally here and I’ve dreamed of spinning around under the Eiffel Tower and taking tons of photos for YEARS. And now I’m here. But I’m alone. I’m not sharing it with my sister or best friends or family or boyfriend. And at the moment I haven’t even met any other au pairs in person so we are still just virtual friends.
I know it will get better. I know it will be different and easier when the kids are in school and I have time to make friends and create a routine and am not jet lagged anymore. I want to be jump up and down happy and excited. And I’m not and I think it’s mostly fatigue but also just not knowing how to find joy on my own.
Bonjour and happy weekend!
I bought a vpn so my computer thinks I am in America so I can watch "Vampire Diaries" and "Bachelor in Paradise" haha. A little taste of familiarity
I saw the Eiffel Tower at night, let me tell you, it is MAGICAL. I finally had that dreamy Parisian moment of drinking wine under the twinkling lights of the Eiffel Tower. How cool is it that we can casually drink alcohol in a public park - America could never haha.
The first day of school led to a picnic in the park with 20 au pairs! It was exactly what I needed to meet other au pairs and speak to other Americans. As time goes we will make plans and hang out more regularly and that is going to be necessary and awesome.
I have been struggling with figuring out why I am here. Originally this was going to be a post grad year to figure out who I was out of college and what I wanted to do with my life, but Covid had another plan. But God brought me to Paris now. After talking with some friends from home and a lengthy and honest facetime with my boyfriend, maybe this year is meant for me to learn how to take care of myself. To go on adventures without a plan. Jump on the metro and explore apart of Paris on a whim, without mentally preparing for days. I am here to discover a new culture, make life long friends from all over the world, and learn more about who I am and how to be myself, by myself.
I will keep writing and updating. It will be some touristy photos, stories about my host kids, tips from what I have learned while being here, but also the honest truth that the homesickness is hitting harder than I expected, the anxiety is real, and the fear of "why am I here" is every present.
~Be You
Rachel
Comments